“We” is contained

to conversations in coupes

and illegal naps

in law schools;

you stay when I’m weak

but somehow leave me weaker,

foamy chemical reaction

exiting the beaker.

The old heads cast eyes

like weighted dice;

I tell them I can’t do it twice.

One of them even cries

and tells me about the forty years

shared with his wife.

“There’s nothing remotely like that except with this guy,”

That’s a lie—

I don’t feel it, I just want to try.

The brain is a circuit board,

and someone has rewired mine—

Functional depression in a malfunctional AI;

Punctual presence for a participation prize;

Mutual distance and nostalgic side-eyes;

Future relationships all slightly compromised

because of things experienced for such a short time.

But at last, it’s fine.

You don’t inquire into the past,

never inspired to look back;

Thought we had retired all of that,

but then you watched me jump the track.

You swore you wouldn’t be a lifeline,

but you still came through every time,

and I slept in your jean jacket

after drinking all of the cult wine.

Maybe you were never meant to

comprehend galaxies,

or galaxies never let you in.

Call it self-defense,

a preservation mechanism.

Or: a Godless humanism.

Or: a pointless rumination.

Fly to the moon

in your deck for years

just to learn the smoke signal

wasn’t for you.

So why did we come all this way

if none of it was true?

But then again geese look at cygnets

and know they’re ugly, too.

There was no counting on time

or telepathy,

and no love lives in sympathy.

We were thinking (it turns out)

about totally different things.

Somewhere a thread to me;

somewhere cygnet wings.

I’ve never met with a fortune teller,
but I’ve been one all my life
I always know when things will go wrong
and people will get married

I laid eyes to bed
and rose to the occasion,
A gaze as soft as down
Made eggs and supremely distorted my tea
trying to get the leaves out of yours

Hey, you have beautiful eyes,
so please get them as far away from me as possible
because I swear I’ve seen you in a dream,
or maybe it was a premonition.

The night my ribs were fractured
I let you sleep in my bed
But awoke with a new determination
One seed of doubt that finally wedged in,
took root in the marrow
flourished in my blood
bowed with every breath
—until the little tendrils slithered through every vein—

and drew low cries out of me;

After that I learned to be calm
by staring into the eyes of the Devil
and telling him I had nothing to take,

Not a hot meal to eat
nor even a bone left to break.

aurora who shines on me from time to time
or doesn’t like a wistful thought in my dream-mind
gave me flowers i carefully dried
and questions, i carefully lied

some citrus truthfully died
and cried extracting all that had been inside
flayed and made rotten

but i stood alive and wide-eyed
remembering all the good things i had forgotten

in the in-between,
he’s scared of shadows passing by the door
he curls up, I hold him like a baby,
put the heaviest blanket on him, and bring water,
which he ignores

I decide to turn my heartache off
to hear out all the reasons,
the why-I-dids
and what-fors

He says I don’t apologize
but I recited sorrys until I was hoarse
and wrote a seventeen-page letter of remorse

And after he falls asleep
long lashes like doe’s eyes
dozing into another, better life
I pick up the pieces of myself
still scattered on the floor

in terms of a hegelian dialectic
sometimes you don’t like your reflection
the uncomplicated and clay complexion
so you take the pieces out of the mirror one by one and leave
a single shard, which should be enough
to judge the quality of the inlay
you always wished you’d meet yourself until you met yourself
and you met yourself one day too late
and now that you can see yourself, it turns out you were near-sighted
and it only took wrecking the whole operation
to realize it

White his shroud as the mountain snow
Larded all with sweet flowers;
Which bewept to the ground did not go
With true-love showers.

wants me to feel bad
feel bad
feel bad

an immense ocean
and in its blackest depths
(the crushing pressure)
all light suffocates and dies

but yet

sun breaking at the mouth of a cavern
rush of spring wind
earth’s perpetual sleep

recovery.
without validation
no need for anyone’s affirmation.

the pine needles
bristling beneath
like the delicate bed
that suspicious lovers tend

and the creek
crawling down the mountain
on its hands and knees
begging for forgiveness
on its way to the sea

feel bad?
life long

last night I had a dream
even with everything
for one beautiful moment
I wish nothing would wake me up
I wish nothing would wake me up

If you admire the creek
just wait and let things flow
There’s time to see where the water goes

Yes, the snow
may melt someday
Roll down the mountain and wash us all away

But if that ever happened
the only thing I’d care about
is whether I was there without –
Well –

And if that’s the way it is
I think I’ll take the path of least resistance

Like the light through a prism
Turn it over, let it show
Take it in, every precious angle
I’d like to know

We may never fully understand
though we like to think we can
All our dreams and imagination
Squarely limited
by the follies
of man

The world is getting warmer
like my heart in mid-September
a tentative projection
of a positive direction
and the autumn gives me so much to remember

Rushing wild and blue

Cutting canyons into my sensibilities

Sweet sun rises behind her, like a halo

My Columbia, roll on!

I’ve been away for so long

Walking the tracks

Trying to find my way back

And I hear the whistle blowing

But I do not even know

Where I am going